Christmas~

Had an awesome Christmas party!!!! Thou I wasn't happy at 1st when celebrating at aunt hse but after that I was super happy max!! When clubbing with grand aunt, aunt, her bf & yuhru.. I was actually disappointed cos Dennis didn't celebrate tgt.. He was sick plus he didn't like Christmas.. But I have to understand.. Anw I still enjoyed myself cos I was fucking high!! Dancing like crazy~ awesome night!!!!!! Lucky I didn't drunk.. Else my grand aunt will be in shock!! Hahahaha!! Party until wedge spoil & I have to use my rubber band to tie 1st.. But I took off & dance bare foot when I'm at groove.. Haha!! Ppl was looking at me but I fuck care man.. As long as I enjoyed myself everything's okay!!!!!!!! :D
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!

Loved

Super happy 19th birthday I had.. I will remember this day of my life.. Had so much fun!! Fucking high n drunk.. Thanks bee for looking after me.. Thanks baby & Meimei clean up my mess.. Thanks everybody who clean up my mess too.. Thanks everybody for coming to my celebration.. Plus sorry people who I did funny thing when I was drunk.. So SORRY!!!!
After that night all e things that happen I understand what happen n I'm clear of e things that I was thinking/worrying & what was on his mind.. Thanks Andorria helped me in it.. I thought we would just end like that.. But after that night I'm more confirm that I don't wanna leave him at all.. It was all me that I was thinking too much.. I suddenly lost secure from him.. & doubt e trust.. Now.. It's all over!! I'm clear of everything now.. :D super clear of my heart.. Bee I love you!! I love you DLWJ!!!! <3
Once again I'm sorry that night I was drunk n hugged other guys.. Sorry I make u keep so many things inside all to urself.. Make u suffer so much.. I've stop contacting guys so much already.. Unless they talk to me I reply a few den nv talk already.. Cos I have you it's enough already.. I don't need other guys.. I know where I belong.. <3 :D
I'm so SORRY!!!! For everything.. I shouldn't have think so much.. I love you always..

Love baby<3

Happy

I smiled!! I thought I wouldn't have this feels bak again.. Just as I knew I was thinking too much.. Just as I saw u I was smiling.. No pain.. No bleed.. Not broken.. My heart was fixing bak on its own.. Guess ur e cure to all my problems.. I really love today.. This moments tgt.. Miss all this feelings.. Love all this feelings.. :D thanks bee for all this happy moments.. I'm going to miss u MAX!! Wish everything could stop here.. Wish everyday could be like that.. Wish every moment could stay like this..
Wish every part every single day of my life there will be u taking part, joining me forever.. Think I'm gonna marry u.. 1st time having this feeling of wanting to really settling down for life..
Once again I think I'm naive..
If this is a wonderland it would be e most dramatic story I ever come across..

Understand

Ive made up my mind.. I will leave.. As long as ur happy I will.. Guess ur able to move on faster den me.. Guess I'm not good enough for u.. I will keep everything a secret.. U wouldn't know all this.. Just take it as im a bad gf.. Just another girl that doesn't makes u happy.. Having me doesn't make ur life any better.. Thanks for this 4 mths.. I'm really very happy.. Never in my life I have put so much effort in it.. Ur real special in my life. I'm willing to do so much thing for u.. Thinking bak, I wouldn't have done it if I wouldn't have love u so deep.. I guess I can't take e hot & cold.. My trust was there.. My heart was there.. Now I'm broken.. Just gonna pretend I'm fine.. I will be fine.. Maybe it's just me thinking too much.. Sorry!

I love you DLWJ<3
Always will..
Love baby..

Teary

It's been 4 mth seen we were tgt.. So many things happen within this 4mth.. I don't understand why we r like that now?! Why?? Why make me fall so deep n u ignore me now? Treating me hot n cold! What is this?? Seriously?! Why!!! We were fine n happy for w past 2 mth.. Den something happen n u disappear!! I was so up sad that period of time.. But I know u didn't just disappear for no reason.. I know something must have happen that ur like that.. N I guess correctly.. Something really did happen.. I helped u solve it.. Den everything was fine.. Den why now this?! Just becos I was close to keyon n he called me dear? Den ur like piss?! I didn't even get mad when ur close with other girl!! He's drunk that's y he anyhow talk.. I didn't contact him now.. Can all this get over with? R u not going to talk to me anymore? Why bee?? Why?? Why this time?? Why now?? Why did I fell so deep?? U don't trust me? Or u change? U didn't love me?! I'm totally broken now.. I don't know what to do.. I don't wanna loose u.. R u better off without me? Why I'm so serious in this r/s now n ur like that?? I did so much I've nv done before.. U made me feel ur so special in my life n now ur gone.. Why!!!!!!!! I'm tired of crying my self to sleep.. Can u tell me why? U don't love me already? Or am I just so stupid that i though u would like me this kind of person? WHY BEE!!!!!! I miss u so much.. I don't know how to stop thinking of u.. I've loose u once.. I hate that feeling.. I don't wan a second time.. Is it that much for me to ask for? I'm always so scared to loose u.. R u afraid to loose me? Do u even give a fuck about me? Were u jealous or wat?! What r u thinking now?? Have u ever missed me?? Did I ever come across ur mind ?? Becos u always come across my mind.. I dont know how I'm gonna live life without u when u were so impt n mean so much to me.. I'm super pain.. Baby can u tell me ..

Watched soccer!!

我上辈子做了设么？
Why is my life so happening??
Why is everything going wrong??
Why everything must happen on me??
Why can't I just have a normal life without things happening??
Why everything must fall when I just started to wan to have a proper life?
Why must things happen when I'm feeling bliss??
Why sadness must come after happiness??
So many why who can ans this question for me? Thou I know some ans to it..
Another sleepless night.. :(
My heart sinks when ever I hear u say facts. It sinks even deeper when e truth comes out from ur mouth..

<3 SUPERDUPERDUMBPIGGY

<3 POOHPOOH!!

<3 DALEDALE!!

<3 CHIPCHIP!!

<3 SLEEPING POOH!!

<3 BABY!!

<3 KORKOR!!

<3 SCRUMPSCRUMP!!

<3 BIG KORKOR!!

<3 DUMBDUMB!!

<3 DUMBO!!

<3 PIGLET!!

<3 SAILOR POOH!!

<3 DOREAMON BF!!

ALL THIS SHALL BE E PAST!!!!

it seems like this is e only place where i can write what ever things i wan n all my sorrows n nobody wouldn't have know.

Guess im blogging again.. i don't know why.

when ever i start blogging mean there is things inside me that im hiding from people around me!

i dont know why i just didn't wan to say it out.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

after reading friend post in facebook..

it hits me..

how could i forget someone that i have been loving for a year and after months i fall for someone else..

e ans inside me is that within this year e last few months i have already prepared to get thrown away..

everybody abandon me anyway..

everybody leaves me..

i dont know what i did but yes im having all this shit!!

i seriously don't know what your thinking about..

ever since den we didn't contact neither we have talk to each other..

i guess is e best way for both of us..

累了 照慣例努力清醒著
也照慣例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在夢中 不聽話的 就停止了

聽著 呼吸像浪潮拍動著
越美麗越讓我忐忑
我還能珍惜什麼
如果我連自己的脈搏 都難掌握

如果我變成回憶 退出了這場生命
留下你錯愕哭泣
我冰冷身體 擁抱不了你
想到我讓深愛的你人海孤獨旅行
我會恨自己 如此狠心

如果我變成回憶 終於沒那麼幸運
沒機會白著頭髮
蹣跚牽著你 看晚霞落盡
漫長時光總有一天你會傷心痊癒
若有人可以 讓他陪你 我不怪你

快樂 什麼時候會結束呢
哪一刻是最後一刻
想把你緊緊抱著
可知你是我生命中的 最捨不得

如果我變成回憶 退出了這場生命
留下你錯愕哭泣
我冰冷身體 擁抱不了你
想到我讓深愛的你人海孤獨旅行
我會恨自己 如此狠心

如果我變成回憶 終於沒那麼幸運
沒機會白著頭髮
蹣跚牽著你 看晚霞落盡
漫長時光總有一天你會傷心痊癒
若有人可以 讓他陪你

如果我變成回憶 最怕我太不爭氣
頑固的賴在空氣 霸佔你心裡 每一寸縫隙
原來依然愛我的你痛苦 承受失去
這樣不公平 請你盡力 把我忘記

連你都會殘忍隔絕
我的心能要誰了解
眼中燭光搖晃著熄滅
為何把我推向邊緣
被砸壞了的一切
卡住了我讓我無法往前

囚禁在距離笑聲最遠的房間
單獨隔離 寂寞地盤旋

全世界都停了電 全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面 被貼上黑夜
我吶喊思念 卻沒人聽見
絕望到極點剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了電 全世界白雪滿天
才發覺在我心間 有回憶碎片
一作夢翻身 就刺痛流血
我卷著身體縮成一個圈 像一個句點

連你都會殘忍隔絕
我的心能要誰了解
眼中燭光搖晃著熄滅
為何把我推向邊緣
被砸壞了的一切
卡住了我讓我無法往前

囚禁在距離笑聲最遠的房間
單獨隔離 寂寞地盤旋

全世界都停了電 全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面 被貼上黑夜
我吶喊思念 卻沒人聽見
絕望到極點剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了電 全世界白雪滿天
才發覺在我心間 有回憶碎片
一作夢翻身 就刺痛流血
我卷著身體縮成一個圈 像一個句點

我会把你藏在心里最深的那一层!!!!!

Good bye!!
Leaving this world..
wouldn't be found..

Would u get out of my heart already?? I noe i have shift some where else in urs.. I'm no longer in there anymore.. Never thought it was so pain.. Have u read e bottle of heart I gave u?? I bet u didn't.. If u would have read it will u be diff?? Probably is just me that is still wanting to noe

Thought family would support me n encourage me.. But it seems to be e other way round now.. Y?? I thought ur said that ur will support me dont matter wat?? Den wat is tis?? When u need my help I'm there buy when I need urs?? My heart really hurts a lot.. I'm no longer a kid!!! I noe wat I'm doing!!! All I need was support n encouragement from ur!!!

I might not just accept u that fast.. I just don't feel anything.. Peace was not in me suddenly.. I have to go to god for peace.. Still finding e peace in me!! Pls dear devil!! Will u just leave me n have peace come in?? Ur taking up too much space for too long a period.. Now get out!!!!

I just need someone to sit down n listen to me.. Izzit that hard to find someone who is willing to buy health product?? I just need to sell 3!! Is that hard??

At times I thought I would have forgotten u.. But flash backs just wouldn't stop making me missing u.. I don't noe wat I have done

Thought I was forgetting u.. E same night i said this u appear in my dreams.. Wat does tis mean den??

You said that you love me FOREVER..
I never knew that FOREVER had an EXPIRATION DATE!!!

Is ur lost to let me go.. :)

Worst thing to do in life is to mess with gals who live u too much!!! U might regret for life!!!

Over

Forgetting u already.. Not knowing who r u to me anymore.. Continuing with my life feeling better with out u I'm fine.. More guys better r waiting for me.. Done with u!!

Over

Forgetting u already.. Not knowing who r u to me anymore.. Continuing with my life feeling better with out u I'm fine.. More guys better r waiting for me.. Done with u!!

Didn't expect to see u today.. E moment I saw u I feel like hugging u n cry.. I seriously still don't understand y?? I can't put down totally.. Too long too many things.. Still couldn't stop thinking.. :'(

Ohh I wanna let you know
That I'll always love you baby

Sometimes I think about
Everything that we've been through
And I pray that you would just open your eyes
I love you and I need you
So please don't throw our love away

Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone
I knew from that night something special went on
It must've been the first kiss
You told me that nobody else in the world made you feel this
I felt the same way too but nothing stays the same
I'm sorry for the tears I'm sorry for the pain
You were the one that I'd always made things right
I promise you this though you got a friend for life
Maybe one day we can try it again
And maybe things can be a little different
So lets just kiss and say goodbye
'cause I really cant stand the pain of seeing you cry

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

All that is mine is yours that's what I said
Treat you with love and respect in everyway
You wanted I gave you need me I was there
Now you treat like if I'm not here
I love you and I need you don't wanna let go
If you want somebody else please let me know
Can't take it no more I feel I'm dying inside
Is this the price I pay for handing you my life?
I know I'm not perfect but I truly cared

So when you wake up one morning and I'm not there
Just remember I loved you it will never be the same
Gave you everything and you threw it all away

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

I gave you my good and my bad
My heart and my soul,
My trust my money my time,
What more can you ask from a man
Even when times were hard
I held out my arms and held you
Even excepted you though whatever weather
But now I feel it we're at the end of the rope
Whatever we had now I gotta let go
Nights like this I wish raindrops would fall
To cover my tears
Wishing I could replace all those wasted years
Of loving someone who couldn't love you back
And now again I gotta start from scratch
But I know I've given you my everything

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

The day I get my phone 4 white is oso e day I was super heart broken n sad.. I was super happy in e morning but damn sad in e afternoon.. We really broke up le.. Though. I noe e ans.. I'm still not believing it Is true.. I really don't wan to break up.. It took me so much to get into Tis r/s n last it so long n tis is e ending?? No I don't wan!!!! U bian xin.. I didn't change from e start.. I'm staring to think everything u said was a lie.. I though I was strong enough to accept it.. But I was wrong.. I crash over like an earthquake.. I've fallen too deep to get bak up.. I don't noe wat to do with my heart n feelings now.. My tears just wouldn't stop flowing..

Today had a farewell gathering for my sec frends who r going in army already n like tml they r going in Liao.. Hahahah.. Had a lot of fun.. When to eat Aston den after that when to a nearby pub to chill.. Is damn shoik lahx.. The drink mix until so nice n got feel lahx.. Didn't drunk but high.. But after that headache Cos not enough slp.. So going to have another gathering like tat again.. Is super refreshing n relax.. Plus so long all of us nv sit down n go out tgt..

Just when for a midnight movie n its HORROR!!

i watch scream 4!!!!!!

quite scary lahx.. but e gal is so sick lo..

omg!!!!!! but some how is funny too..

hahahahahahaha...

feel so shiok..

super long nv go out late at night watch movie n all..

shall do it again..

n e next time round go drinking..

hahahaha..

fun time always fly fast..

your still e only wan who noe wat my reaction really means..

oyasumi.. :D

 FEELING SUPER EMO WHEN EVER IM TAKING Bus.. Y?? SITTING IN 1 CORNER HEARING MP3 MAKE ME FEEL LIKE TEARING Up.. Y DONT ME TEARS EVER DRIES Up?? WAT IS Tis?? I DESERVE It?? SERIOUSLY WAT'S GOING ON IN IN LIFE MAN!!!?? E PAIN INSIDE IN HEART NEVER Leaves.. THEY ALWAYS MULTIPLE Up.. DOES ALL TIS SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN IN IN LIFE?? SERIOUSLY??!! CAN U TELL ME Y?? MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP UP MINS SET OF WANTING TO NOE E REASON N ANS TO Everything.. I DONT BELIEVE ALL TIS HAPPENS FOR NO REASON.. N THERE IS NO WAY TO SOVLE It.. TJERE IS SURE TO BE A REASON OR A WAY TO SOVLE It.. ITS A MATTER TO ITS GOING TO REVEL A Not.. IT ALL HAS TO COME TO AN END EITHER WAY Rite?? NOT SURE AN WAT IM GOING TO DO Now.. MAYBE JUST GOING TO DRAIN OFF ALL TO TEARS THAT WERE STILL LEFT INSIDE.. N TRY TO MOVE ON WITH HAVING TO FIND OUT WAT IS E ?? IN ME.. I REALLY WAN TO TEXT U N ASK U BUT IT SEEMS LIKE MANY THING IS BOTHERING U Now.. N IT HE'D ME BAK FROM SENDING U E TEXT.. MAYBE ITS Fate.. ITS FATE THAT E ANS I WANTED TO NOE FROM U IS Obvious.. EVEN THOUGHT I DONT WAN TO NOE E Truth.. BUT I HAVE TO FACE IT ANY WAY.. ITS JUST GOING TO BE ANOTHER HEART BREAKING Ending.. EVERYTHING IS BAK TO SQUARE 1.. WONDERING HOW R DUMBDUMB THEY ALL??

it has been more den a month e last time we contact each other..

it still doesnt feel real to me..

i really wan to noe y??

wat really happen tat day tat we r like tat??

u really nv miss me??

u really able to continue like tat??

u really able to stop contacting me totally??

seriously??

if its real have u ever seriously love me??

wat am i to u??

i still does miss u..

im still unable to keep chipchip daledale scrumpscrump n korkor inside my cupboard..

im still wearing n using things tat u brought for me..

i dont noe how am i going to forget u..

*tearing*

Y IS EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BECOME MY FAULT NOW???

I DONT NOE WHERE HAVE I DONT WRONG!!!!

IF UR JUST WAITING FOR ME TO SAY SORRY 1ST I GUESS U WILL BE HAVING HARD TIME WAITING..

IF UR ANGRY JUST BECOS I MAKE U WAITED FOR 2 HR..

I THINK IS REDICULOUS..

my tears nv stop flowing becos of u..

just now while i was talking to my frend ..

suddenly talk about me..

n ask me how's my r/s..

i say we didnt contact already..

n everything that happen..

some how she thinks that i should call/msg u 1st..

somehow if like my fault again..

izzit really through??

izzit really my fault??

what r u thinking about??

it has been 3 week since we last contact..

it feels so long but in actually fact..

it has only pass 3 weeks..

only 3 week n im like that already..

how am i going to last for more den my life..

i seriously dont noe wat to do..

will u even ans or reply any of my msgs n calls??

in fact i dont think ur even bothered about it..

i think ur quite happy thought..

maybe u noe another gal already..

do u really mean wat u said before??

probably my presence is just making everyone around sad..hurt..worry..

maybe my presence shouldnt have shown up in this world..

maybe i dont worth the love..

ppl should just ignore my presence..

maybe i should have gotten use to it..

gotten use to being ignore by ppl..

i was happy thou during ITE life..

but it was short..

i should have known it..

nth in my life nor my presence in life lasted everything happily..

everything in my life is short..

even if its short..

im still glad that i was happy before..

D':

suddenly missing u so much..

how is this suppose to happen??

thou i really love u..

but this shouldn't be happening once all this started..

since i've made up my mind..

maybe i'm just cheating myself all this time..

telling myself NO I DONT LOVE YOU DONT THINK ABOUT U ANYMORE!!!!!!

i thought i would be able to smile faster..

thought i will be able to overcome faster..

but it seems that time is making it slow for me..

what should i do now??

i really don't noe how..

feeling hopeless..

everything's not right now..

guess i should go a place to thinking through properly n relax.. D':

2PM - Without U

i'm gonna get stronger
right, it's better to be separated, anyways I knew at some point you and i
would have had this situtation, I definitely know you would have done this
instead of that it's better to be me right now
after I was in deep love I knew
I'm relieved I knew about this That's why I'm ok
I gave my all to you
I trusted you so I gave everything to you
You threw that away I gave you my everything that's why now...

I’m gonna be ok (Gonna be ok)
I’ll be ok (Gonna be ok)
baby without you, baby without you
without u more cooler more cooler
I'll stand I'll live

Listen, everything happesn for a reason, everything happesn for a reason,
you said this was the first time meeting a different guy
that doesn't even make sense, obviously what you said is gonna be proved wrong, so just turn around
It really hurts me to see you, I want to stop
Everyday I was being tricked, I didn't know what kind of person you were
Now I know, you don't know love that's why now...

I’m gonna be ok (Gonna be ok)
I’ll be ok (Gonna be ok)
baby without you, baby without you
without u more cooler more cooler
I'll stand I'll live

why did you do this to me why?
Seriously why did you do this to me made me cry
You threw away everything we posessed, was everything we did actually valuable?
the times we had together, the times we could've had together
aren't you even sad about it? do you not care? right now are you, are you ok without me?

I’m gonna be ok (Gonna be ok)
I’ll be ok (Gonna be ok)
baby without you, baby without you
without u more cooler more cooler
I'll stand I'll live

sometime everything happens for a reason..

but sometimes this reason happen to often that it hurts..

repeated reason just makes e wound deeper n deeper..

so deep that it cos a very deep scar..

too obvious to hide it..

doesn't matter if laugher covers it up its still there..

suddenly thinking bak things that have happen this few months..

probably this happen because of me..

becos of my stubbornness..

maybe there is still no one that can take my stubbornness yet..

maybe is really my problem that causes all this unhappy moments..

its always my stubbornness that cause more ppl unhappy..

i always use my stubbornness to change for other ppl unhappiness..

guess u were unhappy with me..

that we are like that..

a lot people ask me am i really able to be who am i now??

will i be able to forget u..??

will i be able to be happy again..??

seriously i don't know all this ans..

maybe from e start i shouldn't have chosen this..

i should have know whats e ending..

yet i still dig my own grave..

n drag down innocent people in..

i should have been stronger to lock everyone OUT!!!

but i didn't..

my heart stop me from doing it..

my heart didn't wan me to lock out everybody..

i should have build it stronger..

i dont feel i'm alive...

felt so dead inside..

not able to feel my heartbeat..

not able to feel what i'm thinking..

DONT KNOW WHO AM I NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Forever Or Never - SHINee

I'm nervous as to what those firmly shut lips are going to say and what you are thinking
Hot, hot, hot run
Thump, thump, thump, hide
My heart only wants you
(JH) If you are wavering because my love is so young
It is

My Love Forever
If you ask again: forever
How much more do I have to yell for you to
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?

If I was going to easily change, never
I wouldn't even begin
No matter what anyone else says for me there is only one
Forever or Never

I hate your silences that make even your breath deafening
I'm scared
I I I love you
I I I need you
Why are you acting like you don't know my love?
Do you still not believe my love?
Are you still wavering?
Wavering

My Love Forever
If you ask again: forever
How much more do I have to yell for you to
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?

If I was going to easily change, never
I wouldn't even begin
No matter what anyone else says for me there is only one
Forever or Never

For my love! For My love!
For My Love!
It's Forever, forever

Yo! It's forever
At anytime my love is for you
Exclusively for you
Holding each other's hands
Believing that we will never waver
Your unwavering feelings

My Love Forever
Until the end, forever
How else can I show you so you will
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?

If it wasn't you, never.
Even if my world ends, never
This is my decision
Forever or Never

My love My Love,
until the end, until the end
Forever or Never

Forever or Never
Forever or Never

i might just go study private..

better den nth rite..

shorten e stress in me!!!

everything have start to tumble down in my life!!!!

nth is going the way i wanted it to be..

everything should be going as i plan it was..

but now everything is a MESS!!!!!!!!

SO FKING STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Y DONT THEY THINK HOW WE FEEL??????

NOW STUDYS N LAST TIME STUDYS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY!!!!!!!!!

more den a week has pass..

day by day..

isnt e ans clear enough??

i think is really clear..

lucky i didnt think much..

hahahahha.....

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

op is nearer n nearer...

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

damn it..

im soooooooo scared man.......

praying super hard now!!!!!!!!

*pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray*

THANKS FOR TOTALLY TAKING AWAY SMILES TAT WERE LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!

this is how ii feel until now!!!!!!

i was very happy..

i nv once feel like cry..

not until when everything start to change bit by bit..

i started to feel sad is cos..

u said things that make me happy but didnt come true after that..

once twice i was still okay..

but after that it happens too much that i was super disappointed..

n that i think twice after hearing wat u say..

thinking if i say still trust wat u say n it will come true..

but once again it didnt..

n that i told myself its clear that something is not right..

i feel that ur blocking me out..

i dont feel that i was needed..

i felt like im just a soft toy..

always there but only when ur sad or bored den u play with it..

this was wat i feel..

alright inside but crying inside..

i have no idea y ur like tat now..

seriously wat happen on that day that ur able to not contact me at all for so many days!!!!!!!!

i told myself maybe ur telling me to leave..

alright i'll leave..

thou i seems okay..

but im not!!!!

i told myself its okay.. its alright..

its just another hard times..

it has always been like that..

nth new..

but my heart dont lie..

my tears nv work well with me everytime..

its always flowing out of my eyes..

my heart just wouldnt stop bleeding..

this is just double the impact i get..

im already very sad cos im afraid of drawing blood tml and op next week..

n all i get was this..

thanks for ur contribution..

making things worst for me..

THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

2days has pass.. tml will be the last day..

n i'll noe wat u mean already..

this has nv happen..

somehow ytd we some sort if like cold war..

i have no idea y..

i was angry cos u show me attitude at mrt platform..

i didnt purposely make u alone..

i oso didnt noe ando work place cannot so many ppl there..

if ur really unhappy tell me..

i was den super piss off when u say ur going hm!!!!!

since we have not contact for 24hr..

so this is wat u wan..

fine..

i'll folo as it is..

when to SGH ytd morning..

when to see e report..

doctor say is quite big..

so need take it out n check..

my heart was super scared..

i dont wan to go for op..

on e 15 mar need go for blood test n maybe x-tray..

on e 22 mar is op day..

everything is in e morning..

y does everything happens on thursday..

i really hate..

y am i always sick..

nv 1 year im alright..

since i was born..

y am i so weak???

im suppose to be healthier in 2011..

but end up this happening..

i couldnt slp well..

nightmare nv stop hunting my mind down..

my heart cant take it..

too many things happens..

too much for me to take it..

too many stones are inside my heart..

their falling apart every sec, every min, every hour, every year, everytime when im growing..

y is this happening to me??

is izzit cos ppl around me did evil things n i get e revenge??

WTF did i do to get treated like this!!!!!!!

WTH is this.. tis is not i wan!!!!!!

u get it!!!!!!!

GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!

ALL I WANT IS SIMPLE LIFE!!!!!!

CANT U JUST GIVE ME THAT!!!!!!

WHATS THE MATTER WITH U!!!!!!

DONT REGRET WHEN IM GONE!!

CAUSE THIS IS WAT U MAKE ME TO DECIDE!!!

dont come and show me attitude i tell u!!!!!

i dont give a damn..

i dont care who u r..

once i make me firer up i dont give u any chance!!!!!!

today was the 1st day of work..

feel a bit nervous wondering how r e people there like n how e place look like..

but after i reach e place i wasn't tat curious anymore..

the people there friendly n always have food going around the office..

somehow it does look like a office area..

hahahaha.. don't know how to describe it..

time past very fast today..

quite like the thing tat i was doing although is a bit messy..

but is something new that i learn..

hahahahaha..

well i wasn't happy for e past few days..

not until now.. so i occupied myself with things e whole day..

without thinking anything except food, bed n work..

after thinking what i did wasn't that bad at all..

nth to bother about..

relax..

but after work go n have dinner is totally shit!!!

emotional drop half down..

super !@#$%^&*()@#$%^@#$%!@#$%^&*!!!!!!!!

not going to do anything anymore..

numbing myself..

building metal from now on..

___

[ME]

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!

we have gone through many up n down..

hope we will love each other more..

understand each other more..

this love will go on all e way..

i love you hubby..

:DD

how long more can i smile like this?? :DD

smile until i cant close my mouth even 1 min...

can i continue smiling like this all e way..

or will it be taken away??

TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED & NEGLECTED!!!!

wat e hell is tis.. i dont think we can make it longer anymore..

u dont even noe y im like tis..

dont even bother to ask me u im like tis..

wat is tis..

WTF!!!

what ever i say i dont mean it at all..

when i say i was okay, i wasnt alright.. im always worrying about u..

when i say im happy, im actually dying inside..

when i say i wasnt thinking about u anymore, im dying to see u..

when i say i wan to leave u, i wan to keep u most by my side..

when i say i dont care about u anymore, i wan u to care more about me..

when i say i dont wan to know wat u where doing, i wan u to know wat im doing..

bb.. do u know all this??

do u know wat im thinking??

do u know war i really wan??

do u know how am i feeling??

do u know how much tears have i drip??

does people lie really because they really really love them??

does people lie cos they don't the person they love e most to get hurt??

does people lie cos they wan to protect them??

does people lie cos they don't wan them to know e hurtful truth??

does people lie cos there is reason behind it??

does people lie cos they wan to keep a person image perfectly inside them??

does people lie cos they wan them to live happily??

does people lie cos they don't wan to take away the smile from them??

DOES ALL THIS LIES REALLY HELP??

DO THEY REALLY THINK THAT THIS LIES REALLY MAKE THEM HAPPIER??

DO THEY KNOW THAT ONCE THE PERSON KNOW THAT ALL THIS WAS A LIE THE OUTCOME WILL BE THE MOST HURTFUL AND PAINFUL MOMENT..

WHEN THE PERSON KNOW THAT ALL THIS WAS A LIE ,

WHEN THE PERSON COME TO IT'S SENSE,

THE PERSON WILL LOSE ALL THE TRUST THAT ACCUMULATED ALL THE WHILE..

THE PERSON MIGHT JUST NOT BE ABLE TO BELIEVE ANYBODY ANYMORE..

OR EVEN HAVING DIFFICULTIES TRUSTING PEOPLE..

tis afternoon when out to taka to apply for job there..

after applying walk to plaza with yong they all..

wanted to watch but dont have any show tat e timing is rite..

so we when to arcade to play game while waiting for yuan to come n meet us..

after tat they when to smoke after awhile they go shopping den decided to go play lan..

i didnt play cos i was too tired.. i sit at e side.. but while watching them play i fall a slp..

hahaha.. but after a short nap i was more awake.. not so tired..

after they play finish game den i went hm..

it was still drizzling.. i took bus 7 hm.. e bus was super cold..

went hm for dinner too.. so yummy.. popo cook de food e best.. :D

i wan to eat always!!! hahahahahha...

:'( after watching e show im sad now..

y does ppl can have a proper family i dont have??

i wan to have a happy life like all kids have when they were young..

y i cant have tis type of life???

every nite my emotional just haunts me down with sadness..

just how much tears do i have to drop in order to let it dry up???!!!!

im really sick of all tis thing in my life!!!!

sometimes i really dont feel like living in tis world anymore..

i always blame mummy for giving birth to me..

blame daddy for leaving us..

blame daddy for making mummy heart broken..

blame daddy for making her having hard time bringing us up..

blame daddy for making mummy lost her smile, happiness!!!

i blame everything on HIM!!!!

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM!!!

NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!!!

so many days nv blog again.. hahaha.. too lazy liao..

i should change to have a habit to blog..

at least i will feel better after i blog..

at least i get to vent out all my emotional out inside here..

doesnt matter whether im sad, happy or angry.

i can throw them away here..

n crying in reality..

tis few days i have been going out almost everyday..

ytd n today when bak to sch in e morning..

after tat i was super tired.. but after a short nap.. im more awake..

but blur blur.. hahaha..

i finally when to watch movie again.. hahahahahaha..

watch gui ye siao.. quite funny.. but got some part i kana shock by e sound..

every since dec last year.. this few days it has been raining none stop..

n e weather super cold.. luckily i didnt get sick from all tis bad weather..

must really stay healthy tis year onwards.. cannot sick anymore..

HEALTHY HEALTHY HEALTHY!!!!

as usual i was so clumsy tat i injured myself when i was getting off e stage..

got a scratch on my knee.. super pain.. e stupid stage floor super super rough.. like e road..

lucky not very bad.. no blood come out..

next time i should be more careful..

so jialet keep injured myself.. hehehehehe.. :P

guess i going to slp soon today.. super duper tired..

hopefully i get enough slp tis time round..

n go look for a job..

n go enroll.. hahahaha..

hope i dont lazy again!!! :D