22/4/12 party event at zirca..
Damn awesome fun night with my nitec friends & babies~ drank so fast I got too tipsy & when overboard at point of time.. Hahaha! But again.. Sucky thing I cried again.. Fucked up.. Meet bud near toilet once he reach infront of me I hugged him & burst into tears.. Omg! I never thought I will do that.. But that hug was so comfortable! Omg! The hugged I ever wanted.. So shiok! Love that so much.. After that I went to dance floor dance all my tears off.. Den head back home.. Shared cab with rong.. She sended me back.. I was surprise we actually still talk normally.. Not as awkward.. Had a very bad hangover e next day plus I have to work.. Damn it! I was totally shag max! Never felt that sick before.. Totally no mood for work.. Luckily I working until 1pm only.. Den cab home rest all e way.. But Monday I had super bad menses cramp & took mc.. 2 days mc just enough for me to rest.. Shiok.. Also put my heart to rest.. Guess I should control my emotions once I drink too much.. Must let it over take my mind.. Need to remove him deep down inside me.. Else I can ever overcome him.. But now I have another's person to miss no time for him anymore.. Must continue this way! Alisa you can do it!! Gambatte!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Windy night
3 April 2012
Another cozy night..
I feel that something is wrong with me..
If I ever left 1 last breathe to live I will to see you (DLWJ).. I wan to ask you have you ever really fall in love with me for the past 7 mths when we were tgt.. Before everything starts before all e cheating & stuffs?
I also wan you to read all my post in blog for e past few mths when we were tgt.. I wan you to know what I'm really think from the start of our relationship till it ended..
You probably wouldn't see this nor have any regrets nor feeling while reading.. Think I know you too well.. Think I know e answer to my question.. It's probably a no. I was drunk the whole relationship I guess.. Even so I'm not regretful of being in this drunk relationship. I lie everything that happen between us.. Except for some arguments.. Love the way u scolded me too.. You always mouth hard heart soft.. I love you! Never lie a single bit of my love to u.
FYI I wasn't cheating on you.. I'm just friendly to my friends & u misunderstood me.. I didn't argue cause I know u already made up your mind to leave me.
You will be my lesson learn for future.. You will be put to past now & be memories. Hidden up. Never going to be found anywhere. No trace of your sight will be notice.
I HATED
Another cozy night..
I feel that something is wrong with me..
If I ever left 1 last breathe to live I will to see you (DLWJ).. I wan to ask you have you ever really fall in love with me for the past 7 mths when we were tgt.. Before everything starts before all e cheating & stuffs?
I also wan you to read all my post in blog for e past few mths when we were tgt.. I wan you to know what I'm really think from the start of our relationship till it ended..
You probably wouldn't see this nor have any regrets nor feeling while reading.. Think I know you too well.. Think I know e answer to my question.. It's probably a no. I was drunk the whole relationship I guess.. Even so I'm not regretful of being in this drunk relationship. I lie everything that happen between us.. Except for some arguments.. Love the way u scolded me too.. You always mouth hard heart soft.. I love you! Never lie a single bit of my love to u.
FYI I wasn't cheating on you.. I'm just friendly to my friends & u misunderstood me.. I didn't argue cause I know u already made up your mind to leave me.
You will be my lesson learn for future.. You will be put to past now & be memories. Hidden up. Never going to be found anywhere. No trace of your sight will be notice.
I HATED
Sunday, April 1, 2012
im so fucking sad now..
after telling WD everything from my heart, pour out everything.
after reading my blog again.
kinda make me upset about what ever i do.
FUCKING HATE MYSELF SO MUCH!
i dont know what to do to myself anymore.
i just don't wan to do anything about love.
shall have a good night cry & head to bed.
this is what i hated the most!
FUCK MY LIFE!
1April2012
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST SAID!!
omg. where the fuck did i get the courage from to say all this shit?!
i know is kinda sad telling you the truth that i wouldn't like you & that my heart don't beat for anybody now.
but the thing is i don't wan you ti fall for me.
i know the feeling sucks. n that i shouldn't play with you part time bf anymore.
but i know that thats not the case. you will get damn up set n i don't know whats going to happen.
so i choose not to say that but make it clear that what my heart & mind is really thinking about.
cos deep down inside i'm really not think or wan to have another r/s for the time being.
i know i have cross myself yet. i need a lot of time. i don't wan you to waste this time on me.
i dont wan to hurt anybody already. THAT FEELING IS SUCKS TO THE MAX!!
i really appreciate everything you do for me but i just wan to let you know what i really thinking inside hope you really understand what i mean & i don't wan to take you for granted!
i also don't know why u will fall when we say no. things turn out to be this way i have no choice but to pour my heart out about everything which means what ever i said hurts a lot & i know they sound harsh!
I'M SORRY BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO HURT & FALL DEEPER!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Surprise
13mar2012
This was e day that everything stops!
I don't know how but I got a sudden courage to did e talking & break up. But I walked away after I found the answer that I wanted to know. N cos I couldn't hide my emotions anymore n after I walked away I had a bad relieve. I drop down crying damn badly n walked all e way home. I knew I had to clam down. But I still needed help from alcohol to do that. Drank 1 can at least it stop my tears n pain in my heart for awhile n after that I didn't feel a thing anymore. From that on I didn't talk a single word. Not until a call from him again e next day saying he still has some more things to talk about. But I didn't wan to cos everything was said clearly n I know u got ur heart straight already. So stop all that talking that u want to tell me! I've understand everything that happened already! That's no point telling me anymore! I've done e break up already! Now just stop it! I'm no longer anybody to u & u can't control me anymore. Just go get busy with your new girl! She will be delighted to entertain u that whole time!
That week when I knew something is wrong & I got it all right about my senses?! That's where I've hind u that I knew something's wrong & I thought u would have sense it n tell me the truth. But u didn't. U continue hiding me from the truth n that makes me hurt so much & came to know my heart stops beating for you.
A month ago was where we stopped!
It was so hard for me to say the break up n caught u with u girl talking tgt. It cuts right through my heart. From e moment u say cos I started all this I know I've lost everything. N I have no trust anymore. Not a single love inside me for you was there! Everything becomes hate! This is e only way to for me to forget who u were to me. Easier for me to get back with my life without you. I know I wouldn't matters to u anymore. Hope your choice on this whole cheating thing is wat u wanted.
It's just another break up!! I'll be able to deal with it. No problems. Just this time it's slightly harder for me to let go & forget what has happened! I'll be able to overcome all this facts. Not a single memory will be remembered! AMLY you have to forget what all this months have happened! IT'S ALL JUST A DREAM!! Back to reality! This world is cruel nothing it gonna make your life easier. You just have to suck it up! Live e life u want not bring more hurt to yourself! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT & STOP HURTING YOURSELF! RHIS ISN'T YOU ALISAMA! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF YOU STUPID BITCH!!
DON'T GET DYING OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP!
WHAT'S OVER IS OVER!
Live with it. Your going to love how much this new life you having now. It's going to be way more happier den what u have before.
LEARN HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF!
You know u love him. So leaving him is e best choice cos he doesn't love you anymore n it's cos ur e reason for all this to happen! So there's no point being sad over about. U did this whole cheating thing yourself! U have no one to blame too!
BLAME IT YOURSELF!
Need to get a real long break!
It hurts to much to let go. But I have no choice not to let go. I'll have to deal with my own life & emotions now! Move on! He has already. His happy now. It's pointless!
This was e day that everything stops!
I don't know how but I got a sudden courage to did e talking & break up. But I walked away after I found the answer that I wanted to know. N cos I couldn't hide my emotions anymore n after I walked away I had a bad relieve. I drop down crying damn badly n walked all e way home. I knew I had to clam down. But I still needed help from alcohol to do that. Drank 1 can at least it stop my tears n pain in my heart for awhile n after that I didn't feel a thing anymore. From that on I didn't talk a single word. Not until a call from him again e next day saying he still has some more things to talk about. But I didn't wan to cos everything was said clearly n I know u got ur heart straight already. So stop all that talking that u want to tell me! I've understand everything that happened already! That's no point telling me anymore! I've done e break up already! Now just stop it! I'm no longer anybody to u & u can't control me anymore. Just go get busy with your new girl! She will be delighted to entertain u that whole time!
That week when I knew something is wrong & I got it all right about my senses?! That's where I've hind u that I knew something's wrong & I thought u would have sense it n tell me the truth. But u didn't. U continue hiding me from the truth n that makes me hurt so much & came to know my heart stops beating for you.
A month ago was where we stopped!
It was so hard for me to say the break up n caught u with u girl talking tgt. It cuts right through my heart. From e moment u say cos I started all this I know I've lost everything. N I have no trust anymore. Not a single love inside me for you was there! Everything becomes hate! This is e only way to for me to forget who u were to me. Easier for me to get back with my life without you. I know I wouldn't matters to u anymore. Hope your choice on this whole cheating thing is wat u wanted.
It's just another break up!! I'll be able to deal with it. No problems. Just this time it's slightly harder for me to let go & forget what has happened! I'll be able to overcome all this facts. Not a single memory will be remembered! AMLY you have to forget what all this months have happened! IT'S ALL JUST A DREAM!! Back to reality! This world is cruel nothing it gonna make your life easier. You just have to suck it up! Live e life u want not bring more hurt to yourself! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT & STOP HURTING YOURSELF! RHIS ISN'T YOU ALISAMA! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF YOU STUPID BITCH!!
DON'T GET DYING OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP!
WHAT'S OVER IS OVER!
Live with it. Your going to love how much this new life you having now. It's going to be way more happier den what u have before.
LEARN HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF!
You know u love him. So leaving him is e best choice cos he doesn't love you anymore n it's cos ur e reason for all this to happen! So there's no point being sad over about. U did this whole cheating thing yourself! U have no one to blame too!
BLAME IT YOURSELF!
Need to get a real long break!
It hurts to much to let go. But I have no choice not to let go. I'll have to deal with my own life & emotions now! Move on! He has already. His happy now. It's pointless!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Sorrow/hurt
It really hurts me a lot..
Why??? Why do u have to cheat n pretend nothing has happen?? Why do u still have to lie to me?? I know everything.. Do u know how much it hurts to see u lie when I know e truth to every single lie u made?? Each lie u said cuts right through my heart. Why this matter?? Why me?? Why her? I don't get it!! Why all this shit? I gave u e chance into this relationship. U said I should give u a chance n that u wouldn't be e same.. But once again. U become someone u said u will never be again. Den why now? Why when I accepted u all but this shit happen? Why change in that sudden second when I thought u have totally changed?! U said u accepted all e shit I've done. But look! Who's e wan accepting all e shit! It was me!! I accepted all ur flaws!! Gave u e chance!! N ur restricting me?! Den why treat me so good?! When u have intended to leave?! Why when my family accepted e fact that I have a boyfriend?! Why when I thought u will never go back e same old you?! Why when I thought u deserve this chance? Everything's back to square 1 again. This will be my limits off everything. No more chance given! I've put in all my heart for this. Sorry if u said I made u sad angry n everything that hurts u. But what I did was half of what u gave me! I keep quiet just so I know what u really up to. Which I'll end this stuffs right here!
Heavy rain night. Never thought this night was so hurtful n hard to spend. I will not forget all this while when we were together I'll keep everything as memories. Kept in e deepest part. Not to be found easily. All I can do is this much of love to u. I couldn't bring myself anymore to love you for what u have did now. I'm sorry but I love you. D': I'VE NEVER EVER WANTED TO WND THIS!! Thanks for all this time by my side never left me.
I LOVE YOU DLWJ ALWAYS DID :) <3
Why??? Why do u have to cheat n pretend nothing has happen?? Why do u still have to lie to me?? I know everything.. Do u know how much it hurts to see u lie when I know e truth to every single lie u made?? Each lie u said cuts right through my heart. Why this matter?? Why me?? Why her? I don't get it!! Why all this shit? I gave u e chance into this relationship. U said I should give u a chance n that u wouldn't be e same.. But once again. U become someone u said u will never be again. Den why now? Why when I accepted u all but this shit happen? Why change in that sudden second when I thought u have totally changed?! U said u accepted all e shit I've done. But look! Who's e wan accepting all e shit! It was me!! I accepted all ur flaws!! Gave u e chance!! N ur restricting me?! Den why treat me so good?! When u have intended to leave?! Why when my family accepted e fact that I have a boyfriend?! Why when I thought u will never go back e same old you?! Why when I thought u deserve this chance? Everything's back to square 1 again. This will be my limits off everything. No more chance given! I've put in all my heart for this. Sorry if u said I made u sad angry n everything that hurts u. But what I did was half of what u gave me! I keep quiet just so I know what u really up to. Which I'll end this stuffs right here!
Heavy rain night. Never thought this night was so hurtful n hard to spend. I will not forget all this while when we were together I'll keep everything as memories. Kept in e deepest part. Not to be found easily. All I can do is this much of love to u. I couldn't bring myself anymore to love you for what u have did now. I'm sorry but I love you. D': I'VE NEVER EVER WANTED TO WND THIS!! Thanks for all this time by my side never left me.
I LOVE YOU DLWJ ALWAYS DID :) <3
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Brand new year 2012!!
It's 2012!! A brand new year!!
It's a new year that I'm with love..
2nd day after new year I left to china for sch trip.. Went about a week.. Will never forget e moments before I left..
Bee called me throughout e time before I get to e gate.. He wanted to come but it was to early n no transport.. So I told him no need to come.. Somehow I manage to connect to wifi n FaceTime .. I was so happy to see him thou it's over e phone.. But I'm still happy.. Thou I wanted to hug him so much.. I was very upset as I hang up e phone.. Teary eyes but control my emotions.. Didn't wan bee to get upset too.. Could he in his eyes he didn't wan to say bye.. Somehow bee always manage to see what I'm thinking sometimes.. Each time I was shock when he knew it.. Or maybe I'm able to know what his thinking.. My cute annoying bf~ ❤
After I reach I went to buy e Internet prepaid card.. Once I got it we what's app e whole time.. More than what we what's app when I'm in sg.. I even tries to FaceTime when I was at e hotel lobby.. I was happy to see him! But after that I was a bit pissed cos his phone was vibrating loudly.. N I said him.. N it was e day before I fly bak.. He said he would come & fetch me from airport.. I wan happy but didn't put much hope.. Cos it's a midnight flight n I'll touch down at 6am.. It's so early.. I thought maybe he wouldn't be able to wake up.. But to my surprise he did wake up n was waiting outside tgt with my mum & sis.. I immidately smile at home & kissed.. My grandparents were also there tgt with my aunt.. I was so happy I came bak & all gathering tgt as a family.. Of course including bf.. Feel super diff after e trip.. Grandma had a 180 degree change in attitude toward him.. He was okay with him n didn't give me a unhappy face.. I was please.. E next day was my baby sis bday n I ask mum could he come along & she agreed.. I was surprised! & happy! Hahah! So I ask him to come along & he came.. On that day onwards everybody knew I had a bf.. I can openly date.. After that week.. He came a few times over my place to have dinner with me & accompany me.. Grandma didn't make a single unhappiness.. This was like a dream to me.. I never thought this would come so soon & sudden! But overall I was relieve that everybody accept e facts.. As soon as all this happens it was my grandma's bday.. I asked mum of bf could come along but mum is afraid that grandma wouldn't like it.. & it was on our 6th monthsary.. I had morning class n ended early.. So I waited for him at amk & have lunch tgt.. After that he when home with me.. To my surprise grandma ask him to come along for dinner celebration. I was shock! But smiled after that.. Mum was shock also after I told her.. Hehehe! Grandma also invited him for cny lunch gathering with my entire family. That was e largest shock of my life! Grandmas love was over flowing in me.. Makes me wan to burst into tears.. Cny 2nd day I ask grandma if he could come & stay over as he has something's to do early morning. Surprisingly grandma agree without much saying from me to her.. Huge step out!! Anw e next day when mum came he wanted to bai nian with mum but didn't know what to say n approach her.. Coincidently she when to toilet just outside my room so I called her in n he shyly bai nian with her.. Super funny scene.. Mum also burst into laugher.. Hahhaa! He wanted to bai nian with grandma too but didn't have e chance.. But grandma gave him a red pack.. From that day onwards I know how it feels when everybody approve your another half & have all gatherings fun! 😄thanks grandma for everything.. Love~
It's a new year that I'm with love..
2nd day after new year I left to china for sch trip.. Went about a week.. Will never forget e moments before I left..
Bee called me throughout e time before I get to e gate.. He wanted to come but it was to early n no transport.. So I told him no need to come.. Somehow I manage to connect to wifi n FaceTime .. I was so happy to see him thou it's over e phone.. But I'm still happy.. Thou I wanted to hug him so much.. I was very upset as I hang up e phone.. Teary eyes but control my emotions.. Didn't wan bee to get upset too.. Could he in his eyes he didn't wan to say bye.. Somehow bee always manage to see what I'm thinking sometimes.. Each time I was shock when he knew it.. Or maybe I'm able to know what his thinking.. My cute annoying bf~ ❤
After I reach I went to buy e Internet prepaid card.. Once I got it we what's app e whole time.. More than what we what's app when I'm in sg.. I even tries to FaceTime when I was at e hotel lobby.. I was happy to see him! But after that I was a bit pissed cos his phone was vibrating loudly.. N I said him.. N it was e day before I fly bak.. He said he would come & fetch me from airport.. I wan happy but didn't put much hope.. Cos it's a midnight flight n I'll touch down at 6am.. It's so early.. I thought maybe he wouldn't be able to wake up.. But to my surprise he did wake up n was waiting outside tgt with my mum & sis.. I immidately smile at home & kissed.. My grandparents were also there tgt with my aunt.. I was so happy I came bak & all gathering tgt as a family.. Of course including bf.. Feel super diff after e trip.. Grandma had a 180 degree change in attitude toward him.. He was okay with him n didn't give me a unhappy face.. I was please.. E next day was my baby sis bday n I ask mum could he come along & she agreed.. I was surprised! & happy! Hahah! So I ask him to come along & he came.. On that day onwards everybody knew I had a bf.. I can openly date.. After that week.. He came a few times over my place to have dinner with me & accompany me.. Grandma didn't make a single unhappiness.. This was like a dream to me.. I never thought this would come so soon & sudden! But overall I was relieve that everybody accept e facts.. As soon as all this happens it was my grandma's bday.. I asked mum of bf could come along but mum is afraid that grandma wouldn't like it.. & it was on our 6th monthsary.. I had morning class n ended early.. So I waited for him at amk & have lunch tgt.. After that he when home with me.. To my surprise grandma ask him to come along for dinner celebration. I was shock! But smiled after that.. Mum was shock also after I told her.. Hehehe! Grandma also invited him for cny lunch gathering with my entire family. That was e largest shock of my life! Grandmas love was over flowing in me.. Makes me wan to burst into tears.. Cny 2nd day I ask grandma if he could come & stay over as he has something's to do early morning. Surprisingly grandma agree without much saying from me to her.. Huge step out!! Anw e next day when mum came he wanted to bai nian with mum but didn't know what to say n approach her.. Coincidently she when to toilet just outside my room so I called her in n he shyly bai nian with her.. Super funny scene.. Mum also burst into laugher.. Hahhaa! He wanted to bai nian with grandma too but didn't have e chance.. But grandma gave him a red pack.. From that day onwards I know how it feels when everybody approve your another half & have all gatherings fun! 😄thanks grandma for everything.. Love~
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