my tears nv stop flowing becos of u..

just now while i was talking to my frend ..

suddenly talk about me..

n ask me how's my r/s..

i say we didnt contact already..

n everything that happen..

some how she thinks that i should call/msg u 1st..

somehow if like my fault again..

izzit really through??

izzit really my fault??

what r u thinking about??

it has been 3 week since we last contact..

it feels so long but in actually fact..

it has only pass 3 weeks..

only 3 week n im like that already..

how am i going to last for more den my life..

i seriously dont noe wat to do..

will u even ans or reply any of my msgs n calls??

in fact i dont think ur even bothered about it..

i think ur quite happy thought..

maybe u noe another gal already..

do u really mean wat u said before??

probably my presence is just making everyone around sad..hurt..worry..

maybe my presence shouldnt have shown up in this world..

maybe i dont worth the love..

ppl should just ignore my presence..

maybe i should have gotten use to it..

gotten use to being ignore by ppl..

i was happy thou during ITE life..

but it was short..

i should have known it..

nth in my life nor my presence in life lasted everything happily..

everything in my life is short..

even if its short..

im still glad that i was happy before..

D':

suddenly missing u so much..

how is this suppose to happen??

thou i really love u..

but this shouldn't be happening once all this started..

since i've made up my mind..

maybe i'm just cheating myself all this time..

telling myself NO I DONT LOVE YOU DONT THINK ABOUT U ANYMORE!!!!!!

i thought i would be able to smile faster..

thought i will be able to overcome faster..

but it seems that time is making it slow for me..

what should i do now??

i really don't noe how..

feeling hopeless..

everything's not right now..

guess i should go a place to thinking through properly n relax.. D':

2PM - Without U

i'm gonna get stronger
right, it's better to be separated, anyways I knew at some point you and i
would have had this situtation, I definitely know you would have done this
instead of that it's better to be me right now
after I was in deep love I knew
I'm relieved I knew about this That's why I'm ok
I gave my all to you
I trusted you so I gave everything to you
You threw that away I gave you my everything that's why now...

I’m gonna be ok (Gonna be ok)
I’ll be ok (Gonna be ok)
baby without you, baby without you
without u more cooler more cooler
I'll stand I'll live

Listen, everything happesn for a reason, everything happesn for a reason,
you said this was the first time meeting a different guy
that doesn't even make sense, obviously what you said is gonna be proved wrong, so just turn around
It really hurts me to see you, I want to stop
Everyday I was being tricked, I didn't know what kind of person you were
Now I know, you don't know love that's why now...

I’m gonna be ok (Gonna be ok)
I’ll be ok (Gonna be ok)
baby without you, baby without you
without u more cooler more cooler
I'll stand I'll live

why did you do this to me why?
Seriously why did you do this to me made me cry
You threw away everything we posessed, was everything we did actually valuable?
the times we had together, the times we could've had together
aren't you even sad about it? do you not care? right now are you, are you ok without me?

I’m gonna be ok (Gonna be ok)
I’ll be ok (Gonna be ok)
baby without you, baby without you
without u more cooler more cooler
I'll stand I'll live

sometime everything happens for a reason..

but sometimes this reason happen to often that it hurts..

repeated reason just makes e wound deeper n deeper..

so deep that it cos a very deep scar..

too obvious to hide it..

doesn't matter if laugher covers it up its still there..

suddenly thinking bak things that have happen this few months..

probably this happen because of me..

becos of my stubbornness..

maybe there is still no one that can take my stubbornness yet..

maybe is really my problem that causes all this unhappy moments..

its always my stubbornness that cause more ppl unhappy..

i always use my stubbornness to change for other ppl unhappiness..

guess u were unhappy with me..

that we are like that..

a lot people ask me am i really able to be who am i now??

will i be able to forget u..??

will i be able to be happy again..??

seriously i don't know all this ans..

maybe from e start i shouldn't have chosen this..

i should have know whats e ending..

yet i still dig my own grave..

n drag down innocent people in..

i should have been stronger to lock everyone OUT!!!

but i didn't..

my heart stop me from doing it..

my heart didn't wan me to lock out everybody..

i should have build it stronger..

i dont feel i'm alive...

felt so dead inside..

not able to feel my heartbeat..

not able to feel what i'm thinking..

DONT KNOW WHO AM I NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Forever Or Never - SHINee

I'm nervous as to what those firmly shut lips are going to say and what you are thinking
Hot, hot, hot run
Thump, thump, thump, hide
My heart only wants you
(JH) If you are wavering because my love is so young
It is

My Love Forever
If you ask again: forever
How much more do I have to yell for you to
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?

If I was going to easily change, never
I wouldn't even begin
No matter what anyone else says for me there is only one
Forever or Never

I hate your silences that make even your breath deafening
I'm scared
I I I love you
I I I need you
Why are you acting like you don't know my love?
Do you still not believe my love?
Are you still wavering?
Wavering

My Love Forever
If you ask again: forever
How much more do I have to yell for you to
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?

If I was going to easily change, never
I wouldn't even begin
No matter what anyone else says for me there is only one
Forever or Never

For my love! For My love!
For My Love!
It's Forever, forever

Yo! It's forever
At anytime my love is for you
Exclusively for you
Holding each other's hands
Believing that we will never waver
Your unwavering feelings

My Love Forever
Until the end, forever
How else can I show you so you will
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?
(ah ah ah ah) Understand?

If it wasn't you, never.
Even if my world ends, never
This is my decision
Forever or Never

My love My Love,
until the end, until the end
Forever or Never

Forever or Never
Forever or Never

i might just go study private..

better den nth rite..

shorten e stress in me!!!

everything have start to tumble down in my life!!!!

nth is going the way i wanted it to be..

everything should be going as i plan it was..

but now everything is a MESS!!!!!!!!

SO FKING STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Y DONT THEY THINK HOW WE FEEL??????

NOW STUDYS N LAST TIME STUDYS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY!!!!!!!!!

more den a week has pass..

day by day..

isnt e ans clear enough??

i think is really clear..

lucky i didnt think much..

hahahahha.....

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

op is nearer n nearer...

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

damn it..

im soooooooo scared man.......

praying super hard now!!!!!!!!

*pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray**pray*

THANKS FOR TOTALLY TAKING AWAY SMILES TAT WERE LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!

this is how ii feel until now!!!!!!

i was very happy..

i nv once feel like cry..

not until when everything start to change bit by bit..

i started to feel sad is cos..

u said things that make me happy but didnt come true after that..

once twice i was still okay..

but after that it happens too much that i was super disappointed..

n that i think twice after hearing wat u say..

thinking if i say still trust wat u say n it will come true..

but once again it didnt..

n that i told myself its clear that something is not right..

i feel that ur blocking me out..

i dont feel that i was needed..

i felt like im just a soft toy..

always there but only when ur sad or bored den u play with it..

this was wat i feel..

alright inside but crying inside..

i have no idea y ur like tat now..

seriously wat happen on that day that ur able to not contact me at all for so many days!!!!!!!!

i told myself maybe ur telling me to leave..

alright i'll leave..

thou i seems okay..

but im not!!!!

i told myself its okay.. its alright..

its just another hard times..

it has always been like that..

nth new..

but my heart dont lie..

my tears nv work well with me everytime..

its always flowing out of my eyes..

my heart just wouldnt stop bleeding..

this is just double the impact i get..

im already very sad cos im afraid of drawing blood tml and op next week..

n all i get was this..

thanks for ur contribution..

making things worst for me..

THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

2days has pass.. tml will be the last day..

n i'll noe wat u mean already..

this has nv happen..

somehow ytd we some sort if like cold war..

i have no idea y..

i was angry cos u show me attitude at mrt platform..

i didnt purposely make u alone..

i oso didnt noe ando work place cannot so many ppl there..

if ur really unhappy tell me..

i was den super piss off when u say ur going hm!!!!!

since we have not contact for 24hr..

so this is wat u wan..

fine..

i'll folo as it is..

when to SGH ytd morning..

when to see e report..

doctor say is quite big..

so need take it out n check..

my heart was super scared..

i dont wan to go for op..

on e 15 mar need go for blood test n maybe x-tray..

on e 22 mar is op day..

everything is in e morning..

y does everything happens on thursday..

i really hate..

y am i always sick..

nv 1 year im alright..

since i was born..

y am i so weak???

im suppose to be healthier in 2011..

but end up this happening..

i couldnt slp well..

nightmare nv stop hunting my mind down..

my heart cant take it..

too many things happens..

too much for me to take it..

too many stones are inside my heart..

their falling apart every sec, every min, every hour, every year, everytime when im growing..

y is this happening to me??

is izzit cos ppl around me did evil things n i get e revenge??