Emotional~

feeling super stuffy inside now. i have no idea why. its killing me bit by bit each time!

suddenly having flashback of what D did & hurt me so much. seriously i have no idea that would happen. izzit my karma? if its so i didnt do anything wrong to deserve such karma rite?! all of them left me i didnt leave them at all! so much so for loving them so much & when i almost decided to put my heart fully into it & all i get was all this shit that is happening.i seriously dont know what was going on with my life! do i really deserve such things?

having WD now izzit a gift from you telling me karma's over here's to cherish whats going to happen for the rest of my life? telling me that this world there is still good hearted man around not just e playboy's? if its so i'm really very grateful but all the karma before is hunting me, i'm having phobia with r/s. i know i can trust him but i cant trust myself anymore. i'm afraid i will go crazy once more not knowing what to do with my super broken heart. realize r/s is not a game my heart could take it anymore, i'm sick & tired of it. i even have this feeling of not getting bother nor having any connection with it anymore but it just seems to not leave me.

Confuse

HTHT with WD again.
This time round is about whether he should sign on a not & talked about what's going to happen for the next 5 years & how e lifestyle would be like. 2 years not being able to see him & contact less is a super big issue to me actually but I'm sure some how I should be able to fix it or adjust to it thou its going to be a crazy journey down this whole years thingy. I really don't wan to be e reason stopping him to do it & don't wan to be e reason for him to regret. I don't know what's going to happen 5 years down the road. Even that 4 days of not being able to contact with him alr shows everything!! I wasn't able to adjust suddenly but I'll have to learn to adjust all this things in life! I can't possibly think stuff that's me self centered. WD is not thinking this way which hurt me more cos his putting me 1st in everything which makes me falling deeper but I don't wan to do things that hurts him & of course I don't wanna lose him. I know his the type of guy that will love me forever without change. Maybe just sometimes in argument we quarrel & stuff but in e end we will still love each other still. WD always finds its way to fix things back properly & talk things out. Thats 1 thing I like the most! At least he talks about it & doesn't keep it to himself bottling up all.
This hurt painful feeling hasn't hit me for quite awhile. It's hurting me like crazy now! D': I have no idea what's life going to be between me & WD.

Crazy night!

OMG!! I've this feeling like i felt so wanted for the past Few weeks & now i felt so unwanted suddenly! It's been about 48 hrs plus since the last time I'm able to communicate with WD!! :'( feeling super moody at times. Sometimes I cannot even concentrate doing my work! Always waiting for your name to pop up on my phone! Missing that special ring tone fix for u on my mobile!! :( MISS YOU SO BADLY! The only way now for me to not think about u is to make myself busy with all the projects & phase test assignments. :/ I don't know how long more I can tahan before I break down thou it's just going to be 4 days without having u around no communication not reachable at all. Use to be able to survive without it but now it seems to be tough doing it! I have no idea why. Does this means you mean a lot to me now? So much so that I don't wanna lose u? Hmm.. Maybe it e reason.. Heart just prove to me your importance to me. Your part of me now. Without u I'm kinda lost. Feels like no one is there when I needed. I really wan to just hug you so tight now I don't wan to let go! D':