24/5/12
Grandma suddenly forgets to wake me up for sch cos she thoughts if was a Friday & that I'm starting late. In e end I was late for class & to my surprise THIS STUPID FUCKING BITCH TEACHER LOCK ME OUT OF CLASS FOR BEING LATE! Cb! I was only that few mins late that's all! You kidding me bitch?! Locking us out from class & not marking out attendee ?! Fuck you! Fucking wasted time 1hr sitting outside class room! Fucking piss me off! Almost the whole class knows I'm damn pissed! Raging all over twitter!
When bak home after class & took a nap.. Suddenly I thought it was e next day & woke up shocking myself looking at e time 530pm! Thought y didn't I wake up for class & nobody called me! After awhile den I realize it was me thinking too much! It's still e same day!
Guess I need a better sleep now!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Tiring lonely night
been sad in this dark lonely night.. tearing once again hearing music on itunes make me so sad that i had to cry again.. tears just wouldn't listen to me anymore they just flow as & when they wan to.. i've just let my heart take over my mind again.. is it that difficult to just forget everything & left it behind?
i dont know what's wrong with me no more..
somehow i have some good feelings for des now.. but i don't know what kind of feeling it is.. doesn't seems to be very obvious at times.. maybe i just have to take a break again to really regain all my confidents in life again.. maybe all this was just a test to see how i can handle this in life.. how can i overcome all this difficulties in life & how fragile life's is.. maybe i just wasn't really ready to take such heavy responsible & commitment yet..
for now i just have to take time to finish up what i've just started.. things have to be clear out.. i've to settle myself out too! this is going way to long so strong. i have to be even stronger den this!
I'M ABLE TO DO SETTLE ALL THIS SHIT!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Deep Thoughts~
its amazing how each time i get into trouble my grandma always know how to comfort me with heartwarming words never once fail on me with whats she's doing rather each time she surprises me with what she can do & do it with all the love you can never give or feel from anybody else~ ThatHeartWarmingMemories <3 No other grandma can replace you! You will never know how much sorrow i felt when once you ignored me. You will never know how much your mood change mine. ILoveYouPOPO!!
its amazing how each time me & sis argue so much quarrel so much yet we still loves each other so much that within minutes after arguing or quarrel we will forget what just happened before & talk like nothing had happen like there isn't something sad or bad happen, somehow i manage to forgive & forget what ever she does to make me angry & pissed off. think its really cause i love her & cherish her a lot. she's the only real blood flowing siblings i have. ILoveYouDOGGY!!
its amazing how much i hate my mummy's new husband a lot but i feel how much mummy is going through. somehow i can feel the sorrow & loneliness in her heart its like i've been in her shoes before, is this called all kids & mother links heart? i talk to her sometimes even seen her watery eyes & tears sometimes. it really hurts me so much each time i see her broken & its like no ones there to help her, the only person she can talk to was my aunt her younger sis but aunt also has her problems to solve with which also cant help mummy much its all cause of her stupid husband who cause all this bad memories to my family since we were young. his actually not that bad just that he doesn't think before he act. i think he acts on anger! which i hate e most! i didn't wan to forgive him but family makes me no choice but to move on & forgive him. seeing grandma & mummy happy is what i want the most den to have myself being happy & see them sad especially mummy i don't wan to she her sad anymore. i wan her to feel that she can have a husband & family like other normal happy family have i know she's envy each time she sees happy family dining together but she doesn't have it cause her husband just spoils everything he has! HIS STILL A JERK TO ME! 2012 this is the year i grant mummy her wish having no sadness no hard feeling during the whole dinner together with everybody. smiling happily during dinner chatting & all like normal usual days its a bit hard & awkward for me but i made it with sis thou she hates him more den i do. we even took a family photo together smile like he doesn't exist. mummy was super happy. the smile on her face & long text massage she send me e next morning. i know everything melted her heart. that was the day she was waiting for so long in her life time. seeing everybody was the happiest in my whole life. nothing will hurt me more than seeing them heart broken. ILoveYouMUMMY!
i really wants a happy family from young like how most normal kids have but unfortunately i don't have that from ever since i was 1years old. you know how much it is for a kid at 1 year old to lost the whole family just like that? its very painful to ask what happen as you grow up. cause the truth just hurt you so much you just sometimes you wish you didn't have asked. just want to live in the magical land fantasy dreams i ever have. no sadness no heartbroken no lies. nothing but purely just the truth. its is so hard to just being truthful your entire life? somehow it does cause you just wan to protect your love once from being hurt by saying a lie to protect them but the more you use lies to cover things up the more you will just live in lies your entire life. never going to speak the truth anymore. things will all turn out differently once you know the truth & why they lied. even if you know why they lied its for your own good but you still wants to know the truth instead of lying cause being lied to its the most horrible feeling ever!
its been long time since i really sit on my bed thinking so much during the night viewing such nice scenery thinking what have i done in my whole life. things that i have yet to do must be done to what mistake i've done needs to be corrected!
I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WORTHY NOT WASTED FOR SOME JACKASS JERKS!
I NEED TO STAND BACK UP LIKE HOW I USE TO BE !
NOTHING CAN KNOCK ME DOWN!
NEVER ONCE I WILL ALLOW MYSELF TO BREAK DOWN!
SAY NO MORE TO SORROWS!
ITS GOING TO BE JUST HAPPINESS!
JUST HAPPINESS!!
its amazing how each time me & sis argue so much quarrel so much yet we still loves each other so much that within minutes after arguing or quarrel we will forget what just happened before & talk like nothing had happen like there isn't something sad or bad happen, somehow i manage to forgive & forget what ever she does to make me angry & pissed off. think its really cause i love her & cherish her a lot. she's the only real blood flowing siblings i have. ILoveYouDOGGY!!
its amazing how much i hate my mummy's new husband a lot but i feel how much mummy is going through. somehow i can feel the sorrow & loneliness in her heart its like i've been in her shoes before, is this called all kids & mother links heart? i talk to her sometimes even seen her watery eyes & tears sometimes. it really hurts me so much each time i see her broken & its like no ones there to help her, the only person she can talk to was my aunt her younger sis but aunt also has her problems to solve with which also cant help mummy much its all cause of her stupid husband who cause all this bad memories to my family since we were young. his actually not that bad just that he doesn't think before he act. i think he acts on anger! which i hate e most! i didn't wan to forgive him but family makes me no choice but to move on & forgive him. seeing grandma & mummy happy is what i want the most den to have myself being happy & see them sad especially mummy i don't wan to she her sad anymore. i wan her to feel that she can have a husband & family like other normal happy family have i know she's envy each time she sees happy family dining together but she doesn't have it cause her husband just spoils everything he has! HIS STILL A JERK TO ME! 2012 this is the year i grant mummy her wish having no sadness no hard feeling during the whole dinner together with everybody. smiling happily during dinner chatting & all like normal usual days its a bit hard & awkward for me but i made it with sis thou she hates him more den i do. we even took a family photo together smile like he doesn't exist. mummy was super happy. the smile on her face & long text massage she send me e next morning. i know everything melted her heart. that was the day she was waiting for so long in her life time. seeing everybody was the happiest in my whole life. nothing will hurt me more than seeing them heart broken. ILoveYouMUMMY!
i really wants a happy family from young like how most normal kids have but unfortunately i don't have that from ever since i was 1years old. you know how much it is for a kid at 1 year old to lost the whole family just like that? its very painful to ask what happen as you grow up. cause the truth just hurt you so much you just sometimes you wish you didn't have asked. just want to live in the magical land fantasy dreams i ever have. no sadness no heartbroken no lies. nothing but purely just the truth. its is so hard to just being truthful your entire life? somehow it does cause you just wan to protect your love once from being hurt by saying a lie to protect them but the more you use lies to cover things up the more you will just live in lies your entire life. never going to speak the truth anymore. things will all turn out differently once you know the truth & why they lied. even if you know why they lied its for your own good but you still wants to know the truth instead of lying cause being lied to its the most horrible feeling ever!
its been long time since i really sit on my bed thinking so much during the night viewing such nice scenery thinking what have i done in my whole life. things that i have yet to do must be done to what mistake i've done needs to be corrected!
I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WORTHY NOT WASTED FOR SOME JACKASS JERKS!
I NEED TO STAND BACK UP LIKE HOW I USE TO BE !
NOTHING CAN KNOCK ME DOWN!
NEVER ONCE I WILL ALLOW MYSELF TO BREAK DOWN!
SAY NO MORE TO SORROWS!
ITS GOING TO BE JUST HAPPINESS!
JUST HAPPINESS!!
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